Saturday, January 24, 2015
I'm Officially a Basketball Fan
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Should Women Make More Money Than Men?
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image from savespendsplurge.com |
Either I felt like they didn't contribute enough to the household or they felt like I was not treating them with respect when I told them I could buy what I wanted with MY money.
This guy does curse a lot but if you can get past that he does have a point, in my opinion.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
My Son Thinks He's Rich
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image from Ivenergy.com |
He came back a few minutes later, "Mom, I have $9.00 and 300 cents." I smiled and said that's great. It didn't dawn on me until I heard him telling Dad the good news. Apparently, I nor the teachers had made sure my seven year old understood that 300 cents was the equivalent of $3.00.
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image from wildwings.com |
Wow, now I'm starting to miss the days when I thought $12 was a lot of money. How about you?
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Would You Be a Stay At Home Mom or Dad?
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babysittersnow.com |
Now that isn't exactly being a stay at home mom to me. That's having a home business. If I'm wrong, set a sister straight okay? Good.
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smallinternetlifestyle.com |
I've been working for 20 years and within that time, there was only two periods of time when I did not work. The first time was when I had surgery for some lady problems, the second time being when I had my son. While I was healing from my surgery, I was taking college classes. I only went to the campus once a week to take tests. After I had my son, I was at home doing resumes for people and fixing computers.
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momcomlife.com |
Could you be a stay at home parent? If you are what do you do everyday? Do you get bored?
Friday, January 9, 2015
Where Would You Like to Go?
- Gateway Arch - St Louis, MO
- Washington Monument - Washington, DC
- Empire State Building - New York, NY
- Sears Tower - Chicago, IL
- Space Needle - Seattle, WA
I'm pretty sure it was my idea to go to the St Louis Zoo but Don had a better time. Probably because I didn't have on the right kind of shoes for walking. That place was huge!!
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image from tripadvisor.com |
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
NaNoWriMo 2014 ~ Sneak Peek
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tragedy at Home
Hearing this news made me both sad and mad. Whenever I hear about domestic violence, it makes me sick to my stomach. Next month, February 7th, marks the 15th anniversary of my mother's death. She was a victim of domestic violence and lost her life as a result.
Throughout my childhood, not a weekend passed where my mother and one of my stepfathers didn't argue or fight. Sometimes, I would wake up to splatters of blood all of the house and since I didn't see anyone laid out on the floor I assumed they were okay.
The week before my mother's death, I remember stopping by the rooming house she lived in every day for two weeks. I even knocked on the neighbors doors and no one had seen her or her boyfriend.
Periodically, I had seen news reports about a woman's body being found by some fisherman in a lake in a small town in Mississippi. Authorities were having trouble identifying the body. The Mississippi and Tennessee police eventually got together and ran her fingerprints. If it hadn't been for the time mom had spent in jail after cutting a previous boyfriend, we probably would have never found out what happened to her.
I had just made it home from a college class when my aunts and uncles showed up at my dad's house. When they told me the news, all I could say was, "I knew it was her, I knew it was her."
Two weeks before my 21st birthday, my mom was gone--forever. Domestic violence, to me, is the worse crime ever. How could you hurt or kill someone that you claim to love? I don't want anyone to love me that much.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Cyber Family Time
When I'm not crocheting my fingers to the bone, with mountains of yarn scraps surrounding my desk chair, the kid and I have been making weekly YouTube videos. Haven't done too many natural hair videos lately because I've been wearing a lot of hats to work. You know, slick advertising and what not (and it's working, YES!).
I used to sneak and do my videos when the kid was asleep, sometimes I even did them in the car. But when I realized that having the kid's participation made for a better, more fun-filled video, I decided to include him. If he wasn't feeling to honery of course (which is hardly ever). He's been addicted to getting his picture taken since he came into the world so making videos was just a natural progression.
Of course, if he ever gets to the point where he doesn't want to be bothered, I completely understand. Hey I can be funny and entertaining all by myself. I don't need no cute little smart alek 4 year old to make my videos fantastic... Well, it wouldn't be as much fun. So I'm going to milk this for all it's worth. LOL
Hey, some people may think that I'm taking advantage of my son and using his cute face and silly antics for my own personal gain. You know what I say to that? Times is hard and the kid is going to have to get a job one day so he might as well figure out how to market his skills now.
{crickets}
It's not like he's really doing a whole lot. He's just being himself, which would be great for ratings if we were on a real tv show. But as it stands, he takes some of the pressure off of me when I'm attempting to make a not so boring show and tell type video for my crochet items.
Cyber family time is the new black.
Not sure what that means. It just sounded good in my head.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Pregnant? ~ But I Have the Mirena.
This nearly brought tears to my eyes. Can you guys please help a sister out?
I got the Mirena about 4 years ago after having my son. Since then, my periods have been pretty much non-existent. I may spot for a day or two and that’s it until the next month. The last few weeks, I’ve been experiencing a lot of fatigue and after my manager told me she had a dream that someone was pregnant, I made an appointment with the gynecologist. The last time she had a dream like that, I along with two of her nieces, were pregnant at the same time. I told the nurse and doctor that I wanted to make sure that the Mirena was still in place and that it was still working. They didn’t do a urine test and they didn’t draw blood. All they did was tell me my blood pressure was high, fondle around in my “you hoo” and do a pap smear for STDs. They told me I had a year to decide if I wanted another baby, if I wanted another Mirena or if I wanted to get my tubes tied. A week later, the spotting started and actually lasted an entire week. Like I said before, prior to going to the doctor, I’ve been feeling all kinds of crazy. I’ve been having a lot of headaches and my back hurt for about three days in a row. I’ve been getting dizzy and my right eye felt like it was going to jump out of the socket the other day. I read a couple of articles about the odds of getting pregnant with the Mirena and came across numerous sites where women have gotten pregnant after having the Mirena for 3 months to 3 years. I tried to convince myself that I was just now experiencing side effects of the Mirena but I remember how I felt the last time I was pregnant and this feels nearly the same.
Yesterday, the results from the Pap smear came in the mail saying that everything was fine but last night my lower abdomen started feeling heavy and that’s when my mental alarm went off. This morning I took a home pregnancy test and I wasn’t too surprised when “pregnant” popped up in the little window.
Everyone has been telling me for years that my son needs a sibling and I have been turning my nose up at the thought. I can’t deal with another baby because my patience is getting shorter and shorter, I don’t have the money to pay for childcare and daddy and my dude’s mom are both in their sixties and probably too old to deal with a newborn.
Another thing for me to worry about is the fact that the Mirena will more than likely cause complications. I may either have a miscarriage or the baby may suffer some type of illness. The Mirena was made to do something to the lining of the uterus and if the baby can’t grow right, I may lose it. Even if I carry the baby as close to full term as possible, she/he may suffer developmental damage because the baby is basically trying to grow around a foreign object that was supposed to prevent its existence in the first place.
Now I’m at a point in my life that I thought about briefly with my first pregnancy. Abortion. I certainly don’t like the idea of having an abortion but I hate the idea of having a miscarriage after making up my mind to keep the child. As mentioned before, my patience is getting shorter and shorter so I know I wouldn’t be able to deal with a disabled child either.
I told my dude that if I am really pregnant that I am thinking about having an abortion. He told me to let him think about it and then we’ll sit down and talk about it together. Heck, he can’t take care of the two he has and I’m struggling with the one I already have, adding another, possibly disabled, child to the scenario would not be a good thing.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Don't Wear Your Welcome Out
I have mixed feelings about people having their single friends and relatives around all the time when they are in a relationship or married. I mean, if a person is a cheater they are gonna cheat but I don’t want to give them opportunity to do it right under my nose. This sounds kind of crazy and paranoid but let me explain.
This guy I know told me that he and his live-in girlfriend hardly ever have time for just them or just them and the kids. His girl always had her single sisters, cousins or girlfriends over to the house or Ty and she would go over one of the single lady’s houses. He said that at any given time, one of the ladies would bend over in front of him or make a big production of lifting up their blouses when they pull their pants up. One actually said, “He better not sit by me cause I might have to take him from you.” He finds it flattering in a way, but the subtle and outright advances also make Ty uncomfortable. He feels his girl brings him around her family & friends to rub the fact that she has a man in their faces. From what he’s told me about her, I’m sure he’s right. I kind of laughed to myself thinking of him as a trophy boyfriend. I told him if he didn’t want to be around the ladies all the time that he should tell his girl. If he didn’t have the guts to tell her, I told him to just grin and bear it, making sure he kept his hands and other body parts to himself.
I’m a hugger, and this one guy that I lived with a while ago used to bring his friends over and I would hug them when they came in and when they left. I mean I hug folks at work all the time so it wasn’t because I wanted to do them, that’s just how I greet people that I’m cool with. One day my boyfriend told me to stop hugging his friends because they might want to screw me. I looked at him like he was crazy because I didn’t know they thought of me in that way. To keep down confusion, I just said hello when they came in and went into my bedroom until they left. Of course then he said they thought I was acting anti-social so they started meeting at his brother’s place. *Shaking my head*
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had friends that were married. They were ladies from my church that I used to like to be around because they told me stories about their lives before they became saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. Some of those chicks were really something else, Playboy bunnies and everything. At least that’s what they told me. Anyway, I would hang around them most of the day, but when their husbands came home I would leave. I mean I wouldn’t just rudely jump up when they guys walked into the house. I would have maybe a five or ten minute conversation with them and then I would make my exit. At that age, I had sense enough to know that hey, this guy has been gone all day and he probably missed his wife. He may have wanted to spend some time alone with her or his wife may have wanted some “special” time with him that couldn’t wait until bed time.
I’ve known a number of friends and relatives that have slept with their friends’ mates and it caused and still causes nothing but confusion. I mean, if you’re having a dinner party or some other type of get together, it’s cool to have people over to the house, whether single or married. I just don’t think that folks should just be camping out at your place like it’s a bachelor’s or bachelorette’s pad when you have a significant other.
This is just my opinion, I could be wrong. What’s your viewpoint?
Saturday, April 2, 2011
An Understanding
“Where the hell is Phillip’s medicine? It wasn’t in his bag,” Jarvis yelled into the phone.
I was rocking the baby, trying to soothe him, but I knew that his earache was getting worse.
“This is the second time that you’ve forgotten it. Do I have to come to your house and pack his bag my damn self from now on?”
That’s what you get for having a baby by a young, dumb, white girl, I wanted to say but I didn’t. I was his wife and wives were supposed to be supportive, no matter nuts their husbands were. The fact that she was white really wasn’t a big deal to me because dumb came in all colors.
“Now when I sue you for full custody you’re gonna say that I’m being low down. Whatever. Gennifer, just drop his ear medicine off at mom’s house and I’ll go get it.”
I decided to take Phillip into the kitchen to find him a snack to get his mind off of his pain. Before we reached the doorway, Jarvis screamed, “I bet’ not give you my address, you think I want you to bring your drama to my doorstep?”
I sure the hell didn’t. I almost got locked up fooling around with that broad. I told her I was there for him before she got there and that I’ll be there when she was gone, so she got hot. Hell, it was the truth. Jarvis and I had known each other since ninth grade. We weren’t high school sweethearts or anything but we were good friends. If we had not lost contact a little after graduation, she would have never gotten into the picture.
When he first told me about Gennifer, I figured they would get married but she turned out to be too crazy for him to handle, so he had to cut her loose. Unfortunately, she was pregnant when he’d called it quits. I told him to try to make it work with her but he didn’t want to, saying that he should have been with me in the first place. So there I was, Mrs. Jarvis Anderson, aka Boo Boo the Fool, trying to make the best of a very awkward situation.
“Sonia, come ride with me,” Jarvis said walking into the kitchen where I stood. “I might kill that girl if I go alone.”
“Okay. I wish you wouldn’t let her upset you so much,” I said handing the baby to him. I went to the living room closet to get our jackets. I put on mine and took Phillip from Jarvis, giving him his jacket as well. Jarvis watched me as I got Phillip ready.
“I think you take better care of my son than his mama,” he said as we got into the car.
“I love this handsome little guy. I mean he looks just like you, except he’s more light skinned, has nicer hair and prettier eyes.”
“Are you trying to put the moves on my boy?” I just giggled and hugged Phillip to me. I was glad Jarvis was back to his old self again. He and I hardly ever argued, so it was unusual for me to see his bottom lip poked out.
It was too bad that our good moods didn’t last long. Gennifer’s car was still in Mrs. Phyllis’s driveway when we pulled in front of the house. It looked as if Gennifer was getting ready to back out, but I’m sure she made it her business to be there when Jarvis got there on purpose, hoping to get a few moments with him, without me around. Oops, her bad.
Jarvis blew the horn to get her attention before he got out the car. As he walked over to her car, I could tell that old girl was getting ready to chew Jarvis out. I hoped he would keep his composure.
“What do you want? And why doesn’t your wife have my baby in the child seat? Is she trying to kill him or what?” she yelled loud enough for me to have heard her in our backyard six blocks away.
When Jarvis looked back to see if I heard her, he saw me getting out of the passenger seat, so I could put Phillip in the back. As soon as I sat him down, he began to whine. “He needs his medicine,” I yelled to them.
“Bring me my baby, he just misses his mommy,” Gennifer said impatiently.
I picked Phillip up and again and walked over to Gennifer as she got out of her car. When I put the baby in her arms, he began to cry louder. By the time Mrs. Phyllis had let me in the house, the baby was on the verge of bursting a blood vessel and his face was almost as red as a tomato.
“What’s wrong with that child? He looks like he’s fighting for his life. Look how he’s clawing at that gal’s face.” I picked up the medicine bottle from the coffee table and went to stand behind Mrs. Phyllis as she stood at the door looking out. We both giggled when Gennifer thrust Phillip into Jarvis’s arms.
“What have you been doing to him?” she yelled nearly in tears herself.
“We’ve been taking care of him and loving him, the way you should be doing.”
Phillip calmed down and looked over his little shoulder at his mother. His small hand went up to his earlobe and began twisting and turning it. I took that as my cue to return outside and rescue both of my men from that woman, before things got any worse.
“Can you have kids?” Gennifer burst out, as I approached them.
“Why do you ask?” I responded, as I put the drops in the baby’s ears.
“I was just wondering if you were going to have any children of your own or if you were just going steal my son away from me.”
I would be a much better mother than you, I wanted to say, but one look at the expression on Jarvis’s face said not to even go there. I took Phillip to the car and fastened him in the car seat. I handed him his sippy cup from his bag. He looked out of the window and watched his parents as he drank his juice. It was a good thing he wasn’t old enough to feel embarrassed by his mother. I envied his innocence.
It was Phillip’s third birthday. Mrs. Phyllis and I were out in her backyard putting balloons and streamers on the wooden privacy fence. We were waiting for Gennifer to bring Phillip over so we would have him ready before his little daycare friends arrived. She was late, as usual. Jarvis had not made it either, but he had called to say he would have to work a little later.
The party was well underway, when I received a phone call that I felt would send me to my maker. The police told me that Jarvis had been dropping off one of his coworkers, when a motorcycle got into his lane, coming down the wrong side of the street. Jarvis dodged the guy but ran right into a large tree that pretty much totaled his truck. My sweetie was unconscious.
“Phyllis,” I screamed, trying to keep my composure, but failing miserably.
“What is it, baby?” I just handed her the phone.
Once I had gotten myself together and sent everyone home, Gennifer and I got into the car. We rode in silence except for her crying. Mrs. Phyllis stayed at the house with Phillip. I drove because I was the more coherent one. I felt as if I had drunk a bottle of Novocain that made my whole body numb. I wanted to smack Gennifer, and put her out of the car, for all of her melodramatics, but I controlled the urge. I did feel sorry for her because she was alone, except for Phillip. I didn’t know much about her, but I did know that her attitude had a lot to do with her relationship status.
The doctor didn’t want me to see Jarvis at first but when I got through cutting up sideways, they let me in. They wouldn’t let Gennifer come. I don’t think she would have been able to see him like that anyway. I nearly stopped breathing when I laid eye on him. One of his legs was up in a sling and his handsome brown face was covered with cuts and bruises. I dropped to my knees, and prayed until the nurse came to tell me it was time to go.
When I explained Jarvis’s condition to Gennifer she cried twice as much as she had earlier. “What are Phillip and I going to do if something happens to Jarvis? I can’t take care of him by myself. I know I give him a hard time about everything, but I still care about him.”
“Gennifer,” I said putting my hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me. “No matter what happens, and Lord knows I hope he’ll be all right, but if something does happen to Jarvis, I’ll always be there for you and Phillip.”
“But…”
“No buts. When I married Jarvis, you and that little boy became my family too. I could never turn my back on you, no matter how crazy your ass is.” That girl was speechless for the first time since I’d known her and it made me smile through the tears in my eyes. We sat there and held each other for a long time. I felt all of the animosity that had been between us melting away.
Jarvis came out of his coma after a week and a half. When Gennifer and I went to pick him up, he did a double take. “What’s the business? Y’all must have gone crazy while I was half dead.”
“No, we just came to an understanding,” I said.
“What kind of understanding?” Jarvis asked suspiciously.
“That if you died, we would move in together.”
“What the …?”
“Just kidding, baby, calm down,” I said kissing his face.
“Sonia and I called a truce. I’ll try not to give her a hard time and she will try not to kick my butt if I slip up,” Gennifer said.
“It’s about time. Does that truce extend to me too? I wanted to bust your head a couple of times myself.”
“Damn, y’all violent,” Gennifer laughed. “Yes, I promise not to get you riled up either.”
Who knew that Gennifer and I would have become friends? She had hated me since day one. I really thought she would revert back to her old ways after a while, but she didn’t. I guess she finally understood that there was no reason for us to have any animosity against each other because Phillip was the most important person in all of our lives and that it was important for us to get along, for his sake.
With her attitude under control, maybe could find her a good dude to keep her occupied.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Breaking Generational Curses
A generational curse is negative behavior that is thought to have a hold on a family that is passed from generation to generation. If you try hard enough, you can break this vicious cycle of events and live a healthy, productive life.
There are all kinds of generational curses that people have to overcome, but here are some of the ones that plague my family.
• Some people are alcoholics because one or both of their parents were alcoholics.
• Some people abuse their children because they were abused as children.
• Some people may have grown up in a household where only one or two out of 10 kids actually made it past 9th grade, let alone graduated.
• Some people have to have their family reunions in jail in order for them to see their uncles, cousins and maybe even their daddy.
If you are 18, no I’ll give you a few more years. If you are 21 years old, you should NOT be blaming your crack-head mom, your absentee dad, or your touchy feely auntie for the way you act. Once you are grown and hopefully out of the house, you should be able to make your own choices in life. You should choose to be a better person, even if your family is full of … road apples.
I had a crazy life growing up but I used what I saw as a measuring stick, if I didn’t do all of the dumb things my folks did, I would live a decent life.
• Whatever dad did to get locked up, I wasn’t doing that.
• Whatever my mom went through that made her turn to drugs, I wasn’t dealing with that.
• Whatever my auntie drank to make her start fights with folks, I didn’t want any of that.
• Whatever my cousin did to have folks shooting at him, I was running from that.
I could easily just sit around and wallow in self-pity and whine about all of the things I didn’t have, all of the verbal abuse I suffered, all of the hoopla I witnessed or was forced to participate in. I could let all of the negativity consume me and keep me from rising above it all, but I choose not to.
• I chose not to drink my life away.
• I chose not to have a puff of smoke coming out of my mouth unless my hot breath is meeting the cold air.
• I chose not to beat the heck out of my son even if he needs it.
• I chose to finish high school and three years of college with plans to go back.
• I chose not to ever have to see the jail house unless I’m trying to pay a traffic ticket or to visit folks when I get the urge.
Yes, I know this is a cliché but it’s true—Prayer changes things. I don’t go to church like I should, but I have a relationship with my creator. If I didn’t have that relationship, I would probably be in the crazy house right now. There may be other ways to break free of a generational curse, but prayer was and continues to be my stronghold. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be like your mom or dad when you grow up, but you might have to sift through all of the mess and pick out the good parts of them and run with that.
Do you think there is a generational curse on your family? How do you plan to fight it?
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Sisterly Advice
When I arrived home from work the first thing I did was check the mail box. I didn’t really look through the bundle until I got into the house. Scanning through the bills and magazines I noticed that I had received a letter from my older sister, Regina. But according to the salutation it was supposed to go to my brother, Thomas. I had never gotten a letter from Regina. Even after she left Memphis and moved to Somerville, Tennessee. She and I got together every weekend so there was no need for us to be pen pals. Thomas lived in Grand Rapids, Michigan, so I guess I could see her writing a letter to him.
Since it had my address on it, nosey me opened it. When I read the contents, I got hot all over. She was telling Thomas the secret that I had revealed to her the last time we talked.
I had just found out I was pregnant and was considering having an abortion. I wanted to be married when I had a child. I had just graduated from University of Memphis and was starting my career in management at a local mortgage company downtown. There were so many reasons why that was not a good time for me to be a mom.
I wanted Regina to give me some much needed advice not tell all my business to Big Mouth Thomas. Being six years older than I, my sister was naturally someone I looked up to. But after reading the entire letter laced with every detail of our discussion, I was ready to write her out of my will.
“Let me get this chick on the phone and give her a piece of my mind,” I said aloud. Sometimes I talked to myself when I was stressed. Ring. Ring. Darn voice mail. I knew she was at home screening her calls. “Look, Ms. Lady, you need to call me. Trying to put my business all out in the street.” I mean I wanted kids someday just not right then. Leon was the one who was always talking about having kids with me. Talk about pressure.
An abortion was really not something I wanted to do but what else could I do. I mean, adoption was out of the question. Who wanted to go through all of that discomfort and then give your baby away? Made no sense to me. Who would I get to watch my baby when I was at work? Some of these daycare owners are too careless for me. Leaving babies in the van. If they left my baby in a dog gone van some heads would roll. Maybe Run-Her-Mouth-Regina can watch him, she ain’t got no job. Talking about, “Sheila, women have babies every day and still pursue their careers.” I had already made my appointment at the clinic and went through the counseling sessions. I just wanted to get her opinion.
All the next day, I tossed my sisters suggestions back and forth in my mind. Since Regina did medical billing from home, she could stay at my house with the baby, keep him with her during the week and bring him home on weekends, or she could rent her country home out and move back to Memphis.
I could barely pay attention in the training class at work. Faces of little babies spun around in my head. If I had a boy he would inherit my gap-tooth smile and Big Body Benz physique, if it was a girl she would have Leon’s height and nice wavy hair. I had to decide if I really wanted to take on the responsibility of being a mother. Being a realist, I felt that no matter how much Leon proclaimed to want to be a dad and even if he is there in the beginning who’s to say that he wouldn’t walk away some time in the future.
By the time I got home, I still hadn’t heard anything from Regina. I didn’t really feel like talking to her anyway.
Just as I had finally decided what I wanted to eat for dinner, Leon called.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
“Hello. What are you up to?” I asked.
“Thinking about you. Hey, you wanna go get something to eat?”
“Sounds good to me.”
When Leon picked me up he was really quiet in the car which was unusual for him. “What’s wrong with you?”
He didn’t answer right away, I could tell he had something on his mind but wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.
“Aw nothing, just hungry. I didn’t eat lunch today.”
“You not eating lunch is not a good thing. You are the only person that eats six full meals a day and doesn’t gain any weight.”
“That’s ‘cause I work it off,” he said, with a wink.
When we arrived at El Porton’s, it did look rather crowded but fortunately we didn’t have to wait long to be seated. Before we had placed our order, Leon grabbed my hand and kissed it. “I was going to wait until after dinner but this thing is burning a hole in my pocket.”
Before I could ask him what he was talking about he pulled out a small box. Once again, me being a realist or maybe a cynic sometimes I don’t know the difference, did not jump up and down or burst out crying. I had seen too many movies where the woman just knew she was getting an engagement ring but got a charm for a necklace or some big ugly earrings. When I saw what was in the box, I had the type of reaction that almost required me to have on some Depends. But then, of course, tears really did come to my eyes. I nearly knocked the waiter down trying to jump on the other side of that booth.
“Leon, this is so great. I’m not going to be a single mother and …”
“What…”
“We can get a nicer house than both of ours put together and…”
“Baby, what do you mean? Are you pregnant?”
“Yes, almost twelve weeks. I was afraid to tell you. Do you think this is a good thing? I mean you know, I could…” He put his finger over my lips.
“Don’t you dare kill any child of mine?”
“I won’t,” I said, burying my face in his chest. “You know you can’t leave me right?” I said, looking up into his face and pointing my finger. We had the whole restaurant’s attention by then but I didn’t care. The most perplexed look I had ever seen crossed Leon’s face.
“Why would you say something like that? I’ve been putting up with your crazy butt for six years, why would I leave now?”
“I’m just saying, if you get sick of me, you can’t move out, mister. You can sleep in another room but I ain’t with that divorcing mess.” He just smiled and pulled me closer to him.
“How ‘bout we get bunk beds. You might try to sneak some dude through the window. I gotta watch you.”
I pulled away from him and looked at him over the rim of my glasses. See that was my serious look. “Boy, you crazy.”
I called Regina when I got home to tell her the good news. The first thing she said was, “Have you come to your senses yet?”
“Yes, but do you know that you sent me a letter addressed to Thomas. Telling him all my business. What’s up with that?”
Regina burst out laughing, which kinda ticked me off all over again.
“That’s not funny. You know he used to get us in trouble all the time. Always snitching. I think he was a nosey old lady in a former life.” My big sister was coughing, trying to catch her breath.
“Whew! Girl, how dumb do you think I am? I sent that letter on purpose to give your spoiled butt something to think about.”
“Spoiled? Who spoiled?”
“You. You spoiled. I raised Joshua by myself and he turned out all right.”
She was right. Joshua was an Honor Roll student as well as a great athlete with football and track trophies all over Regina’s house.
“There’s another thing I was calling to tell you. Leon and I are getting married.”
“That’s great. Are you going to get married soon or wait until the baby comes?”
“We haven’t decided yet. You need to be looking for an apartment down here, babysitter.”
“That’s cool, I already bought the lil’ booger some onesies and bibs.”
“So you just knew I would change my mind?”
“You wouldn’t have asked me if you didn’t trust the advice I would give you. And you know that I would not have agreed to you getting rid of your child.”
“Thanks, sis, I love you.”
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Are You A Deadbeat Mom

No matter how hard it is being a single parent, I don’t think I could ever turn the responsibility of raising my son over to someone else. Despite my feelings, I do understand how a mother can feel overwhelmed, but I do not understand a mother that does not provide for her child emotionally or financially. Even if she cannot care for the child full time, the child should have no doubt in their minds that the mother loves them.
Don’t get it twisted, deadbeat moms do exist. I’ve read the stories about the mothers wanting to go back to school or travel the world and decided to turn the kids over to their fathers. Sometimes the arrangement is until the mother gets herself together and sometimes it’s a permanent adjustment. The situations that I am more familiar with are the ones where the mothers let drinking and drugs cloud their judgment, or those that find the new man in their life more important than their children. Whatever the reason, the child loses. There’s so much talk about deadbeat dads but from my life and what I’ve witnessed, the number of deadbeat moms are rising every day.
If the mother is not the custodial parent, I think she should be paying child support just like the father would if the situation was reversed. Most custodial fathers never get support and because of pride, they usually don’t complain about it. They just do what they have to do for their kids. Some custodial mothers are at the courthouse every time she thinks the dad has gotten a raise at his job, but that’s another story for another day.
I know women that get public assistance or child support for kids that don’t even live with them. They drop the kids off at their grandma’s or auntie’s house, days sometimes weeks at a time. When the grandma or auntie asks for some money to feed the kid or buy some diapers, the supposed to be custodial mother goes off like it’s not her responsibility to make sure her kids have what they need. Chicks like this make me want to see if there’s a such thing as shaking adult syndrome but I’m sure it wouldn’t do any good.
There were a couple of scenarios that I wanted to share with you but my family and friends do read my blog. Because I don’t want to get to fighting this weekend, I’ll keep the details to myself. I will say that I totally feel for people that didn’t have their fathers growing up but in my opinion, not having your mother there is so much worse. The kids I know in these situations, mostly girls, are constantly vying for their mother’s attention, sometimes they get it sometimes they don’t. They even go so far as to act up at school or talk back to grandma just so their mom can curse them out. To them, negative attention is better than none. I feel sorry for these girls. I also fear that they will treat their future children just as bad as or worse than their mothers treated them. It could also result in the opposite; they could spoil their kids so much that the kids are so rotten no one else wants to be bothered with them.
I’ve said all of that to say this, ladies, you are supposed to nurture your children. If you come to the conclusion that you are not the nurturing type, don’t you ever, ever, ever let your child/children think that you do not love them. Whatever you are going through is your problem, not theirs. They should not be punished and neglected. We hear too much about deadbeat dads, do everything in your power NOT to be a deadbeat mom.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
What Does He Have To Offer?

I saw this tweet the other day and it got me to thinking. My goal has always been to find a hard-working man to settle down with. Since I am a career minded woman, I was never the type of chick that wanted a man to take care of me. As luck would have it, I have run across a handful of guys that wanted me to take care of them. I mean they would seem really promising in the beginning and me being the kind-hearted (dumb) person I can be sometimes, I helped a brother out. Of course eventually I got sick of it and told son he had to roll.
My nearly four years as a mother has put me in the mindset that I don’t want to take care of a male unless it’s my son. (Okay, I may drop my dad a few bucks every once in a while but that’s it.) As I mentioned before, I’m a career minded woman, but I do get the fleeting desire to want to be a stay at home mom. Then I remember that I am a single mom and I don’t think I would be satisfied with public assistance. I have tried to come up with a number of business ideas that I could possibly make a decent some of money from but not only am I an impatient person (I want my money and I need it now.); I also have a short attention span. Therefore, unless I change my mindset, I would never make any money working from home.
Then a thought occurred to me, if I had the money to hire a nanny that would be cool. Here’s the problem with that. First of all, I don’t have that kind of money. Second of all, I would feel funny having some chick living in my house, watching my son, and doing my housework. (I mean I would love the housework and kid watching part but the first one, not so much.) Third of all, if I hired a dude to be my nanny, I would be trying to make him my boo because he would be doing all of these great things for me and my son.
Of course this brought on another thought. What about a stay at home dad? Not my dad, but a dad for Don. I mean I would do background checks, credit checks and whatever other kind of checks I can think of. But what if I met a guy that I really liked, who was great with kids and cooking and housework (and bedroom work), but sucked in the business world. I don’t mean sucked, let me rephrase that. A guy that would be better suited as a house husband aka stay at home dad. Then it occurred to me, I would hate that.
That all goes back to my first point, I don’t want to take care of a man. Despite the fact that he would be contributing his TIME to the household, I need something monetary. Even if he works part time or if he has the discipline to work from home (unlike me) that would be a good deal. But just sitting around the house, waiting for me to come home, I just wouldn’t feel right about that. My upbringing was by no means traditional but my folks still taught me that the man should be the head of the household. And to me that also implies that he is the main provider.
Now, I wouldn’t be able to let a guy that didn’t work tell me how to spend my money. I mean, why would he have a say so? If I was the one at home, I would let him make the final decision on things and I would support him whether I completely agreed or not. That may sound dumb to some women, but if I know that he is the kind of guy that won’t be quick to make a crazy decision that would have a negative impact on our family, I wouldn’t be afraid to…submit (shudder).
I couldn’t be with a guy that didn’t contribute financially to the household, but if you have a big pot of gold and wouldn’t mind your man/husband staying home, I say, “Do you”.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Me and These Dreams
The house she lived in looked familiar but the path that we used to get there was different from the last time I had been there. Now, I guess I had been there before in my dreams because neither she nor I had ever lived in a house even similar to this one. Anyway, it was an addition to a main house where a big tall man lived.
Mom walked in with no problem, but I had to actually lift Donovan up so he could walk through the door. Once they were in the threshold seemed to get even higher. For some reason I wondered if that meant that where ever Donovan and my mom were going that I wasn't supposed to go. I was about to burst into tears when I noticed the tall man standing in the other doorway. He was just staring at me. I don't know what was going on with Mom's doorway, but I had to back up, take off running and jump into her side of the house. I went over that threshold like I was jumping a fence. How weird was that?
I didn't get to see what mom's house looked like on the inside because I woke up (figures). I do remember looking at her and pointing next door and mouthing that dude was crazy. Mom seemed to get scared when I said that and told me not to say it again.
Now, my head is hurting more than it was yesterday. I remember Donovan crying out in his sleep but when I looked over at him he seemed to be okay. (Shaking my head) I hate to think that something would happen to my son, now or in the future. He's just a baby, only three years old. I mean I had my mom for more than 20 years. She was living kind of foul so I knew when I was about 13 years old that she wouldn't live long, but my baby. I don't want to think about him dying. He's perfectly healthy and has more energy than any child I've ever encountered. He's a lot smarter than I was at 3 years old. I just don't know what I would do, how I would be able to function.
I guess I'm having all of these thoughts because next month, February 7th is the 14th anniversary of the day we buried my mother. She was 35 years old when she died, her birthday was August 11th. February 25, 2011 is my 35th birthday. This right here...
Life is too short, especially if we make wrong decisions that could cause us not to live a long life. Her thing was using drugs and fighting with men. My thing is stressing over my job and not taking care of my body. If the Lord says the same, I will make it to 36 years old and beyond. And I'm praying that my son lives to be 103, but in good health, lifting weights and running marathons.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Poetry for Your Senses

Thursday, May 13, 2010
Getting His Way
“Hey baby,” I said to my two year old son.
“Mommy!”
“Did you give Granddaddy a hard time today?”
“No no. We watch TV. SpongeBob. Cowboy picture.”
“Well, that’s good,” I said walking into Dad’s room.
“Hey Daddy, how did Don act today?”
“Aw, you that lil’ rascal don’t bother me. He was just being a typical boy.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Ha-ha, aw that boy all right.”
“Mommy, mommy,” Don yelled pulling on my sleeve. “I love you soooo much!”
“Uh huh, I love you too. What do you want?”
“Mommy, you want some Subway meatball?”
“That boy half ate the food I cooked earlier. He ain’t gone do nothing be waist your money,” Dad said.
“I ain’t gone waist it on the floor, Granddaddy, I’m a eat it.”
“Well girl, it’s up to you, but he ain’t gone do nothing but mess over it.”
“Don, why didn’t you eat all of your food today?”
“It was nasty. I throwed up.”
“He didn’t throw up, he only ate part of it and I gave the rest of to the dog.”
“Well, since he’s still hungry, I’ll buy him some chicken nuggets.”
“I don’t want no chicken nuggets. I want Subway meatball.”
“Well, you’re getting a chicken nugget Happy Meal. I don’t care what you say.”
“I don’t want it!”
“Well, I’m gonna play with your toy and I’m not gonna let you play with it.”
“I want my toy, Mommy,” Don says falling out in the floor.
“See, that boy only cuts up like that with you. Women ruin children.”
“Well, if he doesn’t eat it, I’ll eat it.”
“Don, you’re going to have to start eating all of your food. You know I can’t keep buying food for you when granddaddy has already fed you.”
“I don’t like it.”
“Well, what didn’t you like?”
“All he wants to eat is meat. That boy is gone be big as a hog if he keeps eating like that.”
“I eat corn and tater tots…” Don said.
“Boy tater tots ain’t no vegetable!” Dad said.
“…and beans and rice and barbecue…”
“Don, you remember the salad we ate the other day? That’s what Granddaddy is talking about.”
“I like bell peppers and onion and cucumber…”
“That’s it! See Daddy, he likes vegetables, just certain kinds.”
“…and tomatoes and pickles…”
“Don, we get it!” I said.
“Mommy, you want some Subway meatball?”
“Boy, you silly. Come on, let’s try to get there before they close.”