Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Don't Wear Your Welcome Out

I have mixed feelings about people having their single friends and relatives around all the time when they are in a relationship or married. I mean, if a person is a cheater they are gonna cheat but I don’t want to give them opportunity to do it right under my nose. This sounds kind of crazy and paranoid but let me explain.

This guy I know told me that he and his live-in girlfriend hardly ever have time for just them or just them and the kids. His girl always had her single sisters, cousins or girlfriends over to the house or Ty and she would go over one of the single lady’s houses. He said that at any given time, one of the ladies would bend over in front of him or make a big production of lifting up their blouses when they pull their pants up. One actually said, “He better not sit by me cause I might have to take him from you.” He finds it flattering in a way, but the subtle and outright advances also make Ty uncomfortable. He feels his girl brings him around her family & friends to rub the fact that she has a man in their faces. From what he’s told me about her, I’m sure he’s right. I kind of laughed to myself thinking of him as a trophy boyfriend. I told him if he didn’t want to be around the ladies all the time that he should tell his girl. If he didn’t have the guts to tell her, I told him to just grin and bear it, making sure he kept his hands and other body parts to himself.

I’m a hugger, and this one guy that I lived with a while ago used to bring his friends over and I would hug them when they came in and when they left. I mean I hug folks at work all the time so it wasn’t because I wanted to do them, that’s just how I greet people that I’m cool with. One day my boyfriend told me to stop hugging his friends because they might want to screw me. I looked at him like he was crazy because I didn’t know they thought of me in that way. To keep down confusion, I just said hello when they came in and went into my bedroom until they left. Of course then he said they thought I was acting anti-social so they started meeting at his brother’s place. *Shaking my head*

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had friends that were married. They were ladies from my church that I used to like to be around because they told me stories about their lives before they became saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. Some of those chicks were really something else, Playboy bunnies and everything. At least that’s what they told me. Anyway, I would hang around them most of the day, but when their husbands came home I would leave. I mean I wouldn’t just rudely jump up when they guys walked into the house. I would have maybe a five or ten minute conversation with them and then I would make my exit. At that age, I had sense enough to know that hey, this guy has been gone all day and he probably missed his wife. He may have wanted to spend some time alone with her or his wife may have wanted some “special” time with him that couldn’t wait until bed time.

I’ve known a number of friends and relatives that have slept with their friends’ mates and it caused and still causes nothing but confusion. I mean, if you’re having a dinner party or some other type of get together, it’s cool to have people over to the house, whether single or married. I just don’t think that folks should just be camping out at your place like it’s a bachelor’s or bachelorette’s pad when you have a significant other.

This is just my opinion, I could be wrong. What’s your viewpoint?


ShayShay said...

Perfect sense. When you're at a person's house, you have to have a sense of when they're ready to have family/freaky time :) But that guy needs to talk to his girlfriend if he really thinks her friend is hitting on him. Cuz she'll be just the type to say, "Girl! When you went in the bathroom, Ty was all over me." Dramatic heffas.

Susie McCray said...


I hope he has talked to her, I haven't talked to him in a few days. Hopefully they've worked things out.

Thanks for reading, sis.

Shari Smothers said...

You make good points. The story is age-old and yet some women obviously don't get that they're practically offering up their men sometimes. I agree with Shay too that one of the girls might turn the onus back onto Ty. Another thing that came to my cynical mind is that Ty's girl may well be interested in creating drama in her life. I wish them luck and clarity.

Susie McCray said...


I think she is the dramatic type otherwise I don't see why she insists making him be the only guy in a group of girls. I mean sometimes the kids are around, which are boys, but that's not the same as Ty having at least one other dude to kick it with.