Should Women Make More Money Than Men?

image from savespendsplurge.com

I was watching this video, laughing to myself.  Women have fought for equal pay for decades but this video made me see a possible reason why things are the way they are.  Most of the guys I've dated have made less than I and to be honest that was always an issue.

Either I felt like they didn't contribute enough to the household or they felt like I was not treating them with respect when I told them I could buy what I wanted with MY money.

This guy does curse a lot but if you can get past that he does have a point, in my opinion.

Who's Your Ideal Mate?

image from pinterest.com

I read this blog today that basically stated that couples could improve their relationships if they had sex in the morning before they woke the kids up to get ready for school.  Sounds like a great plan to me and it would probably work if I were in a relationship.  Now, I'm not all that picky but I do have standards.

I know many people want their significant other to look a certain way, but to me that's not the most important thing. I'm like this--as long as the guy smells good, doesn't have "butter" on his teeth, doesn't weeze when he talks, and can bend over enough to tie his own shoes; it's all good. 

image from incrediblethings.com

One thing I absolutely cannot stand though is a guy that can't carry on a descent conversation. I have no patience for dum-dums. He could take a class, read a book or two, do something to gain some knowledge every once in a while. It's cool to talk about music and sports sometimes, but I need a guy that can be a little deeper than that. If he can't handle that he has to go. I can't fix stupid but I sure can get rid of him.

What do you do to keep the spice in your marriage or courtship (Who says that anymore?) Are you choosey?

A Romantic Relationship ~ My Wants and My Role

A friend of mine asked me to write down what I want from a relationship and what I think my role should be. After reading, he agreed with some of the points and STRONGLY disagreed with some of the others. I expected that, so I was only bent out of shape a little.

What I want from a relationship…

Communication
I would like a man that I can share my feelings, ideas and interests with. I mean, I am not the type of person that just complains and whines about stuff for the heck of it. If I have a problem, I want to be able to talk to my man about it without him making me feel like its frivolous. I want my man to feel he can share whatever is on his mind with me as well. I’m pretty open-minded. (I’ll try my best to refrain from making any of my signature facial expressions as he bears his sole.) I want my man and I to be each other’s #1 fan. Whether laughing and joking or engaging in a serious discussion, I would like for both of us to be able to speak freely and honestly, yet respectfully. I am not a mind reader and I don’t expect my man to be one either. If we don’t let each other know our likes and dislikes we’ll probably end up with more sad or angry times than happy ones.

Friendship/Quality Time
I believe friendship is a very important part of a relationship. If I can barely stand to be around the guy or only want to be around him when I need something (or want something) what’s the point? Going out and having a nice time is good, but as long as we can spend some kind of quality time together, I’m happy.

Intimacy
Sex is great! (I’ll get into more detail about that in a moment.) Being talked softly to or touched gently (or roughly, depending on my mood) would bring me to climax a lot quicker than someone just ramming into me and saying “let me know when you get one”. (More times than not, I end up lying to Mr. Wambam and pretending I got one but…anyway.) I like kissing and being kissed. I like touching and being touched. I like hugging and being hugged. Well, you get the picture. I’m touchy feely most of the time. And I like being around someone who treats me like he really wants me.

Sex
Like I mentioned before, sex is great. I like having sex. Some may call it being a freak or a nympho but of course women are usually branded negatively by those names. I don’t see anything wrong with a woman that has a big sexual appetite but hey that’s my opinion. I do realize that the older people get, the less their desire for sex becomes. Sometimes health issues make having sex nearly impossible. In my opinion, as long as the intimacy is there, my sexual appetite will be pretty much satisfied because there is definitely more than one way to get the job done.

What is my role as the woman?

As the woman, I do believe that I should allow the man to be the man in the relationship. I would like to be given the opportunity to express my feelings about something but I do realize that the final decision should be the man’s. Even though this is my philosophy in my head, I have rarely had the opportunity to let this philosophy manifest within my relationships. Most men these days don’t know how to be men which made me have to step up and practically play both roles until I got fed up and called it quits. I believe in supporting my man but not to the point of taking care of him, unless he’s sick. I mean I don’t mind “helping a brother out” but when his needs attempt to outweigh my needs or the needs of my child that is definitely a “hold up, wait a minute” moment. I will respect my man both in public as well as in private. I do not believe in “busting folks out” in front of friends, family or complete strangers. I do try to do things to put a smile on my man’s face. I used to use the term “make him happy” but if he is not happy with himself, nothing I say or do will make him happy. Hopefully whatever I do for him will add to the happiness he already possesses.

In conclusion…

Sometimes I do have a smart mouth but that has come with age, as the result of the people that I have been around and my experiences. If I come across disrespectful that is not my intention. It is more of a defense mechanism. I spent too many years following the wrong people blindly (and silently). With a little time, I can change my negative way of thinking and try to focus on developing a more positive outlook on relationships and life in general. I believe that I am a good woman who has just been hurt more times than I care to mention. I am not stupid. I can recognize a good man when I see him, even if I do have to overlook certain personality traits and deal with some things that I am not used to in order to reap the benefits of a relationship with that good man.

My Dating Dilemma

I have a habit of attracting men who are down on their luck: no job, no car, living with family or fresh out of jail. Everyone goes through hard times but I would like to date someone that’s not looking for someone to “help a brother out”.

To get help with my dilemma, I sought advice from this lady that I follow on Twitter @TheDatingTruth. According to her website, Miss Solomon offers practical dating advice that could make even the most clueless guy get a date. She is very straightforward when offering her opinion to help single men and women have better dating, networking and social experiences.

Here are the tips that she told me to follow if I want to attract stable guys on their grind:

Tip #1
Go where they go. Stable men find ways to fill their free time. Join clubs, networks and boards.

Tip #2
Ask Questions—kids, career, living arrangements, convictions? Find this out before you give your number. Its okay to judge it’s your life.

Tip #3
Get yourself together. Like attracts like. If you’re stable, you can recognize the signs of stability. Surround yourself with stable people.

Tip #4
Have a routine. If people (men) start seeing you at the store, gas station, on the train (bus) on a regular basis, they’ll eventually hit on you.

Tip #5
Break ties with negativity. Happiness attracts the best people. When you’re happy it’s a magnetism few men resist—you’ll attract great men.

I found a lot of truth (pun intended) in all of these tips, but I did have one question. If I’m out somewhere and I meet a guy that I’m interested in and who’s interested in me, but I don’t have time to ask him his whole life story, what’s wrong with giving him my number? If I find out later that I don’t like him, I’ll just stop taking his calls. Should I just pass up the opportunity to meet a great guy?

Her response—“It’s not an opportunity if it’s someone you don’t want anyway. Missing out on a guy is like missing out on a sale. There will be another one and you’ll probably find something (someone) better anyway.”

Makes a lot of sense to me, I hope I can take heed to this advice. It sure would keep me from dealing with a lot of unnecessary foolishness.

Check out http://www.thedatingtruth.com/ to get more information about dating, men, sex and relationships.

Shoo Bugaboo

If you have no idea what a bugaboo is, let me explain. There was a guy that was interested in me but he called too much and he wanted to come over my house all the time and he would constantly asked me when we were going to have sex. The only “date” we went on was when we went down by the river. I sat in the car and he sat on the bank until a rat ran across his foot and made him drop his beer. He was ready to go home after that.

The http://www.urbandictionary.com/ has several different definitions for a bugaboo but this seems to fit my situation perfectly.

I mean this guy was a 41 year old teenager. He would run back and forth from my house to his mom’s house three or four times a day talking about he was board. When I pulled into the driveway, he instantly came outside and walked across the street as if he was sitting right in front of the door or window waiting on me to get home. Sometimes he would be sitting on the porch or in his car watching my house. He said his mother told him that he smothers people and he asked me if I agreed. When I told him yes, he got all bent out of shape.

Never in my life had I known a guy that constantly fished for compliments.

Dude: “I’m ugly ain’t it? Don’t you think I’m ugly?”

Me: “No, you’re not ugly.”

Then he’d turn around with his butt to me.

Dude: “I’m fine ain’t it? My cousin said that all of the men in my family were fine.”

Me: “Well, you’re attractive.”

In all actuality, he was ugly and he was not fine at all. He had hazel eyes but the bloodshot practically made his eyes look like two big brown blobs. Sometimes he would wear the same clothes two days in a row. He smelled like beer every day no matter what time it was. Even when he said that he had just gotten out of the shower, he smelled like beer.

He was also a bum. He had no job and no prospects. Dude couldn’t go job hunting (even if he wanted to) because his license was suspended for a DUI. Plus he hadn’t paid the guy down the street for the car and I think he was afraid he would get pulled over and get the car taken. Every day he asked me or several of the other neighbors to buy him beer when his mama didn’t buy him any. Dude begged for money to add minutes to his cellphone. And I hear he tried to pay his phone bill with a check that he found in the car that the guy down the street gave him. (Not sure how true that was but hey you never know.) One day all I had was a bag of breaded chicken patties in my freezer, about six of them. He begged for those. And came back the next day asking me what I was cooking.

Like I said, I put up with this for a week and a week only. I told him that THIS whatever THIS was wasn’t going to work because he required more of me than I could give. “What do you mean?” he asked. I told him that the constant sex talk was getting on my nerves but it was so much more than that. Don’t get me wrong, if I had really been into him, honey child he wouldn’t have had to ask. But he already knew why I wasn’t that into him. I had told him several times throughout that week until I got tired. Then D started telling him he smelled like beer. It had nothing to do with him hearing me say it because I never said it around D. My son is very perceptive and not afraid to speak whatever is on his mind.

Not a day passed that Dude didn’t ask me when I would have sex with him or why I was acting like I didn’t want him. It was so annoying. Everything about him annoyed me. His walk, the way he talked, his smell, the stupid things he said, foolishness all the way around.

I had never in my life met a guy in his forties with so many strikes against him. And what’s sad is that he thought he was a catch. He really thought he had it going on with his drunk, no job having, begging, want to fine behind.

Goodbye bugaboo and good riddance.

Dude, Pull Your Pants Up

What's the deal with these dudes walking around with their pants hanging of their butts. Is that suppose to be attractive? And if so, to whom? I've never heard a girl say, "I sure like how his jeans sag, girl. That is so sexy."

One guy told me that sagging is what they do best. I'm sure he was joking but GET REAL! If that is supposed to be a talent, these guys have alot more issues than I gave them credit for. When a guy approaches me, I do a quick once over just to see how he's looking. Nice hair cut or neat-looking braids-check. Nice smile, not alot of gold teeth-check. Clean t-shirt or polo shirt-check. Nice jeans, Sean Jean maybe uh oh-STEP AWAY, STEP AWAY, DRAWERS SHOWING, DRAWERS SHOWING. After that I just smile and walk away.

That is not the type of example I want for my son. And it is definitely not the type of man I want to be seen ANYWHERE with.