Sunday, January 9, 2011

Me and These Dreams

I had a dream about my mom last night. It was as if she were still alive and kicking. For some reason she, Donovan and I were walking to her house with bags in our hands. I'm not sure where my car was. Maybe she lived out of town and Donovan and I had caught the Greyhound there and she had met us at the station.

The house she lived in looked familiar but the path that we used to get there was different from the last time I had been there. Now, I guess I had been there before in my dreams because neither she nor I had ever lived in a house even similar to this one. Anyway, it was an addition to a main house where a big tall man lived.

Mom walked in with no problem, but I had to actually lift Donovan up so he could walk through the door. Once they were in the threshold seemed to get even higher. For some reason I wondered if that meant that where ever Donovan and my mom were going that I wasn't supposed to go. I was about to burst into tears when I noticed the tall man standing in the other doorway. He was just staring at me. I don't know what was going on with Mom's doorway, but I had to back up, take off running and jump into her side of the house. I went over that threshold like I was jumping a fence. How weird was that?

I didn't get to see what mom's house looked like on the inside because I woke up (figures). I do remember looking at her and pointing next door and mouthing that dude was crazy. Mom seemed to get scared when I said that and told me not to say it again.

Now, my head is hurting more than it was yesterday. I remember Donovan crying out in his sleep but when I looked over at him he seemed to be okay. (Shaking my head) I hate to think that something would happen to my son, now or in the future. He's just a baby, only three years old. I mean I had my mom for more than 20 years. She was living kind of foul so I knew when I was about 13 years old that she wouldn't live long, but my baby. I don't want to think about him dying. He's perfectly healthy and has more energy than any child I've ever encountered. He's a lot smarter than I was at 3 years old. I just don't know what I would do, how I would be able to function.

I guess I'm having all of these thoughts because next month, February 7th is the 14th anniversary of the day we buried my mother. She was 35 years old when she died, her birthday was August 11th. February 25, 2011 is my 35th birthday. This right here...

Life is too short, especially if we make wrong decisions that could cause us not to live a long life. Her thing was using drugs and fighting with men. My thing is stressing over my job and not taking care of my body. If the Lord says the same, I will make it to 36 years old and beyond. And I'm praying that my son lives to be 103, but in good health, lifting weights and running marathons.


Courtney said...

Susie, thanks for sharing about your mom and about your dreams. I have recurring dreams about my Grandma's house. She died almost 5 years ago. Sometimes in my dreams, she's in the house. Sometimes not. I can't figure out why I keep dreaming about her house. Maybe I feel like I have unfinished business there.

I'm sorry you lost your mom so early in life. I hope you get to spend the anniversary of her death with your son, celebrating the life you share with him.

Courtney said...

P.S. It's not showing up in the username link, but I'm Courtney from :o)

Susie McCray said...


Thanks for reading. I wish I could stay at home with my son that day but I'll be at work. Of course that could change when I wake up that morning.

ShayShay said...

Girl! *tears* It might mean that wherever your son goes, your mom will watch over him. Perhaps she's learned something in heaven, and she's a good guardian angel/grandma. But take care of yourself! We need you.

Susie McCray said...


Thanks hun. Hopefully, mama is watching over my son. That is a great way of looking at it.

I need you guys even more. I appreciate you stopping by.