Teen Pregnancy Prevention

In my not so humble opinion, I believe that parents should introduce their teens, especially their girls, to birth control and condoms as soon as they hit puberty. We all wish that our children would remain virgins until they are 25 or married, whichever comes first, but that is unrealistic. We must explain to our children that it would be better if they waited to have sex, but we should still give them the tools needed to protect themselves from disease and pregnancy.

Susie Q (1994)

My Twitter and Facebook friend, Lakisha M. Johnson (@MySoulOnPaper) posted a link on Facebook to the story about the 90 pregnant girls at Frayser High School here in Memphis. I had heard about this on the radio last week and the first thing that came to mind was--whatever happened to the free clinic?

Here's the link to the story (http://www.bvblackspin.com/2011/01/14/90-girls-pregnant-at-memphis-middle-high-school/ )

I moved to the Frayser area when I was fifteen years old. Having lost my virginity 4 years prior, I was blessed and lucky that I didn't already have two or three crumb snatchers by the hand. When I moved in with my dad, he took me and two of my older sisters (ages 16 and 17) to the clinic to #1 get tested for STDs, #2 get birth control pills, and #3 get a bag of condoms. Daddy told us from day one that he was not condoning any sexual behavior but he wanted to make sure we were protected, just in case. "I don't need any accidents keeping me up all night and drinking up all the milk," he always said.

The reason why he did this was because he was a truck driver and was only home every other night. He didn't have time to watch us. We had to be in the house before the street lights came on but we could stay out until no later than 10 pm, when he was home. If we disobeyed these rules, we would be on punishment for two weeks to two months depending on how late we were out past curfew and what he thought we were doing while we were gone. (I was on punishment the whole summer one year, shaking my head.) My stepmother was always in a world of her own, so I and my sisters pretty much did whatever we wanted until dad asked the neighbors to start spying on us.

Even though my dad did the unthinkable in the eyes of most parents, he still taught us that we shouldn't just lay down with any old dude and that neither the birth control pills nor the condoms were 100% effective. He also schooled us on the importance of getting an education and having faith in God. As a scare tactic, he often used family members as examples of how not to be--Young mothers with three kids by three different fathers; living in the projects with a new car and big screen TV; those that had no job and weren't looking because (they said) "the man" was holding them back: high school dropouts that complained about cleaning hotel toilets.

My sister that was 16, at the time, didn't have a baby until she was around 18 or 19. She married her son's father, he joined the army and they hit the road. The sister who was 17, at the time, doesn't have any kids at all. And I waited until I was an old maid (31) to have a kid.

Even though he took us for the initial doctor visit, it was up to us to make our subsequent appointments, to take the pills and to make the guys use the condoms even if we had to put them on "the thing" ourselves (which I got pretty good at, LOL).

Parents, please help your children to enjoy their childhood and not try to grow up so fast. Set rules for them and enforce those rules. Stop trying to be friends with your kids, they have enough of those, they need guidance. Once the babies come, playtime is over. Once HIV hits, their lives may be over.

Like another one of my Twitter/Facebook buddies, Rob Grant (@Ima_Writer) says, "Condoms are cheaper than diapers, B, wrap it up."

My Natural Hair Journey

(picture taken June of 2010)

Today, we are trying to make #naturalhair a trending topic on Twitter, so I decided to contribute to the cause by talking about how I got to this point.

Ever since I was a teenager, I've always loved to do my hair, but I didn't always like the end results. Just like most other black women, I was taught that the straighter you can get your hair, the better whether with chemicals or heat.

As a kid, my hair was very long and thick so even though my mom tried to stick to hot combing it, sometimes she did have to put a relaxer in it, if only for five minutes. The older I got, I started doing my own hair and of course I stuck to relaxing because the few times I tried to press my hair, I burned a big section. It was hard to slick my hair down just right so no one would notice my charred tresses. Not really liking the chemical burns I got either, I usually went as long as six months between relaxing treatments. Most of the time, I kept my hair in a bun at the back of my head or at the top. I decorated the bun with scrunchies to match my clothes so it wouldn't look so plain. I even put a hint of color in my hair but that style didn't look all that great to me but I didn't know what else to do with it. My parents didn't have the money to send me to the beauty shop so I had to make do. I did have a few friends who were in hair school that I let experiment on my hair but for the most part I did it myself. But I hated my hair. I wanted to wear it straight and curled on the ends but my hair took a lot of beating trying to accomplish the styles that I wanted.

In my early twenties, I discovered weave. I loved changing my styles from curly and black to straight and honey blond. With weave, I didn't have to be bothered with my hair, well for the most part. I did end up pulling a lot of it out with the bonding glue, so many times I just got my hair braided with extensions.

Since the beginning of my thirties, I've been experiementing with wigs--not lacefronts, I hate those. I even learned how to make my own, since a lot of the wigs I find are too small for my big ole head. One day I could be a brunette and the next day I could be a red head and it was cool. But eventually the wigs started rubbing away the hair on my already thin hairline, so I had to come up with something else. I didn't want to be bald by the time I got fifty, if I could help it.

November of 2009, I decided that I would let the relaxer grow out of my hair. I still wore the wigs sometimes but usually I rocked micro-braids or Senegalese twists. In May of 2010, while on a week's leave from my job, I made the big chop. I didn't like the different strings of black, brown and gray but loved the texture of my hair. So I put some honey blond dye in it and got ready for work the next day. I didn't know what kind of response I would get from my co-workers, but was very happy when people came up to me and said, "I'm so glad you found a style that works for you." And guess what? So am I.

A Moment in History

Title: God’s Moment
Author: Franklin Howard
Publisher: Publish America, August 2008
119 pages, Paperback, $19.95
ISBN: 1606103717
Genre: Fiction

Rating: 4 out of 5

Annie Hershey is a small town woman with big issues. Unfortunately, quite a few young women today can relate to her.

The beginning of the story shows Annie and her boyfriend, Jubal Tucker, on a train from Corinth, MS to her hometown of Starry, TN. A very deep conversation takes place over the crying of Annie’s one month old son, Robert.

Annie says to Jubal, “I wish we could keep ‘em. I’ve given all my udda kids away. I really wish we could keep ‘em. He’s da baby.”

Jubal says, “You can keep ‘em. But, if you do, I’m otta here. We don’t need no babies holdin’ us down. And besides, dat li’l bastard ain’t even mine.”

Annie looks at Jubal in a pissed-off way. Then she shoves a bottle in the baby’s mouth and looks out the train’s window.

Juanita Hamm, one of Annie’s adult children, is at the train station awaiting their arrival. It had been years since she had heard from her mother and had been excited ever since she received the telegram saying that Annie was coming to town.

Annie sees Juanita and grabs the baby and runs to the door of the train. She hands Juanita Lil’ Robert, smiles, and then returns to her seat. Juanita is stunned. She says nothing. She looks at her li’l brother she didn’t know she had. Juanita keeps her eyes on the train until it’s out of sight.

Back on the train:

Annie says, “I love you, Jubal, and I’ll do anythin’ you say.”

Jubal replies, “I know, baby. Dat li’l bastard will be all right.”

Annie says, “I know, baby.”

Wow! Now that’s cold, but the statistics show that the number of children raised by other family members has increased at an alarming rate since the Pre-Civil Rights Era this story takes place in.

We hear so much about the so-called “deadbeat” fathers, but society rarely shines the light on the “deadbeat” mothers that plague our society.

Throughout this book, you learn more about Juanita and her family as well as her other siblings. It’s quite possible that Annie’s children turned out a lot better than they would have if she had raised them, while continuing to live the life that she led.

The main setting of this novel is Starry, TN. Most of the characters escape small town living by moving to big cities like Detroit or volunteering to see the world by way of the military. I like the fact that this story is told using the language and dialect of many people in the south in a way that seeks to inform rather than offend.

You learn more about Annie’s interaction with her family in the last few chapters of the book. By the time I got to the end I felt a little better about Annie Hershey. The statement, “We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God,” came to mind. And I realized that even though Annie started off as a very selfish woman, it takes a big person to admit when she’s wrong and try to make amends. Every time she made things right and erased some of the pain from her children’s hearts, a “God’s Moment” took place. And oh what a glorious moment that can be.

Reviewed by Susie McCray, writer & poet
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Susie McCray is the author of a poetry collection entitled, “See What I See”. She also writes short stories that can be found on various websites. For more info, visit her at www.susiemccray.com or www.myspace.com/suzy2quzy .