Questions I Often Ask Myself

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What if...

• We could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out three sizes smaller?

• We could vaccum the fat out of our bellies and inject it into our butts? 

•  We could donate part of our DDD+ breasts to people that are not happy with their B cups? 

•  Healthy fruits and vegetables were just as cheap as Value Meals?

These are just four of the many questions that occur to me on a regular basis.  I guess if the first three things were possible, we wouldn't need number four. Of course if I could afford to eat right everyday I wouldn't get all of these supersized body parts that I want to shrink or donate to the less fortunate.

I also wish I could wiggle my nose like Bewitched and instantly have the body that I want.  Now that would be awesome.  I would also transport myself places so I won't have to deal with traffic, but that's another story.

Sleepiness or Procrastination?

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Why is it that when I'm sleepy, that's when I have all kinds of things I need to get done?  When I'm wide awake, I'm looking for things to do to keep from being bored to death.

I got home at 3 pm today but I didn't start thinking about what I wanted to write until 7:30 pm.  Which is dumb because I'm full of broccoli and rice casserole and I just had a mini marathon of the Walking Dead.  So now I'm practically catching a snooze after every couple of words.

My son is sitting across from me with headphones on, watching Fat Albert on his tablet.  Well, he's not really watching it, he's just playing the theme song over and over again.  I don't remember dropping this kid on his head when he was a baby but of course I could have been half sleep at the time.

At the beginning of the blogging challenge, I had every intention of planning a few posts ahead of time.  I was trying to avoid days like this but it didn't work out that way.  I'll blame it on the stupid Walkers, I think they're trying to kill my brain cells or something.

That Pork Chop Tried to Killed Me

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I don't think I'm going to be eating much pork from now on.  After coming off of the (mostly) fruit and vegetable fast for 21 days, I eased back into eating meat.  Turkey and chicken gave me no problems but when I ate that pork chop for dinner, my whole body went H.AM.  You guys should have seen me sitting at the dinner table looking all crazy and feeling even crazier.  I mean I was feeling like Fred Sandford telling Elizabeth he was coming to join her.

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My dad told me that my head was going to start spinning and sure enough it did.  I tried to play it off but as soon as it started, I put that piggy down.  My little sister had cooked dinner and I had to explain to her about the fast so she wouldn't think something was wrong with the food.  I told her I probably wouldn't be eating any meat for the rest of the week.

Not even ten minutes after dinner, I felt like I was going to have to visit the bathroom in one capacity or another.  That feeling passed after a while but the body ache got worse.  Dad keeps pain medication so I was looking through all of his dresser drawers for something to take the awful feeling away.  I finally found them in the den on the table by his chair.

The pills were for back and body pain. "My head and body hurts so this should work right?"  My little sister and son looked at me like, "Really?"

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I took two of the pills and went and sat down, trying to keep my mind off of the war going on inside me.  Within an hour I was pretty good but as I write this post it feels like I won't be completely right until I get this piggy out of me.  Since it takes meat 12 hours to digest, I should be good by my morning bathroom business meeting.

I'm Officially a Basketball Fan

Over the years, I knew just enough about basketball to know a lot of the top players, what team they played for and what the team colors and mascots were.  Even with all that knowledge, I never really paid attention to the games.  Tonight I went to my very first professional basketball game and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

My son always talks about football so I didn't think he would like the game that much but he surprised me.  He was asking when we would be able to go back.  When I told him I didn't know, he said, "We can go next month." HA!! That boy swears he's the boss of me.

We went to the game with some old friends of mine including, Reese, whom I always said should have been my husband but he ended up being one of my best friends instead.  He and I had so much in common that it was like we were brother and sister or at least cousins.  I guess it's a good thing that we didn't get married because I don't think I would have been able to put up with a male version of myself.  

It felt good to see the home team win my first time going, that made the experience extra special.  Thanks to Reese's sister, Quita, for inviting me.  Lil dude and I had a great time.

Do You Do Well On Job Interviews?

Being an introvert, I've had to go through hours of prayer and preparation to get through the few interviews I've had in my working life.  I always felt that it was a miracle when I received job offers. The managers told me that I did great on my interview but there was always something in the back of my mind saying, "If they picked me, how bad were the other applicants?"

That's sad but it's real.

I'm still that shy little girl in my head.  The one that used to cross the street to keep from walking through a group of boys.  The one that always wore baggy clothes and kept my hair in a ponytail so I could blend into the background.  Don't get it twisted, when I got to know people I talked their ears off but it took months for me to get to that point.

image from sparkplugpeople.com

Over the years I've learned to be myself, as they say, during interviews. Well, I became some form of myself, an alter-ego. The confident, charismatic version of me.  As I watched the video below, I was thinking about how glad I was that I never went to these extremes during the interview process.  I think a whole lot of crazy things that I will never say out loud. Of course they may end up in one of my books one day, but that's another story.



How do you do on interviews? Share your tips.